Do you have friends?

I've been burned.

I've been burned by "friends" and "family". As a result I have difficulty trusting people. As a result I sometimes burn others. My track record in relationships - both male and female - is spotty at best. I have difficulty with the intimacies of friendship, of family, of community and of life. There are only one or two people who I am spiritually close with - who I've cried with or shared my pain and joys with. I'd like there to be more but at 41 it's hard to change my spots.

The first time I came across this poem from Walt Whitman I fell to my knees in agony. It broke my heart because I truly understood the loneliness, the bitterness and the envy.

It is best to read it aloud.

When I peruse the conquer’d fame of heroes, and the victories of mighty generals, I do not envy the generals, Nor the President in his Presidency, nor the rich in his great house; But when I hear of the brotherhood of lovers, how it was with them, How through life, through dangers, odium, unchanging, long and long, Through youth, and through middle and old age, how unfaltering, how affectionate and faithful they were, Then I am pensive—I hastily walk away, fill’d with the bitterest envy.

Walt Whitman, (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900

Call your friend. Let someone know you care. Let them know that they are not alone. In this way you never will be.

I LOVE Tomatoes

We've been eating tomatoes from our garden, tomatoes from the farmers coop we belong to and tomatoes from other friends and family. I had no idea there were so many varieties of tomatoes.

I eat at least two or three every day. I eat them with salt or basil or cracked pepper or mozzarella cheese or olive oil. Sometimes I eat them with all of that together. I eat them standing over the sink; I eat them off a plate. I'll even eat them standing in the garden. I've been known to sop up the tomato juices and olive oil with fresh - and occasionally stale - French bread - or wonder bread or wheat bread. Once I sopped it up with a lonely hot-dog bun rediscovered in the back of the bread drawer.

A wasted tomato is a reason for deep, heartfelt tears.

However, I won't eat the plum tomato. I'm saving those for a purpose. I'm saving them for the same reasons some people press flowers or collect guns or take snapshots. I'm saving them for something special...something magical. I'm saving them for my wife's t Pomodori al Forno (okay it's not really her Pomodori al Forno but I'm not stupid).

Don't let the fancy words fool you - I have no idea what it means either. Although, I'm fairly certain "Pomodori al Forno" must mean "what is this I'm eating because I've died and gone to tomato food heaven" or something roughly like that.

I've been asking since we plucked the first plum tomato off the vine when she was going to make it. Every day I count them waiting for the time when the number of available plum tomatoes will justify the energy required to make them.

The law of conservation of mass/matter basically states that matter can neither be destroyed or created - only "that the mass of a closed system will remain constant over time, regardless of the processes acting inside the system." In other words this theory states that no matter what is done to that tomato - when it is finished being processed you will still have the same amount of matter and energy.

What a stupid theory. Anyone who tries one of these small miracles of wholesomeness knows something greater was created.

Try the recipe from Molly Wizenberg at Bon Appétit Pomodori al Forno.

Downside of using an ipod

I really thought this was hilarious...

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.

I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Top 13 Life Changing Adventures

"The test of an adventure is that when you’re in the middle of it, you say to yourself, 'Oh, now I’ve got myself into an awful mess; I wish I were sitting quietly at home.' And the sign that something’s wrong with you is when you sit quietly at home wishing you were out having lots of adventure."

Thornton Wilder (1897–1975)
U.S. novelist, dramatist. Barnaby, in The Matchmaker, act 4

Top 13 Life Changing Adventures

These are the adventures in my life when I wish i was sitting quietly at home. They are also the adventures I'm living.

13. Being an Infantryman in the United States Marine Corp
12. Owning an Allstate Insurance office
11. Being a lousy Infantryman in the United States Marine Corp
10. Marrying my first wife
09. Working off the coast of Maine aboard the schooners Grace Bailey and Mercantile
08. Returning to Ohio Dominican University at 30 to earn my degree in middle childhood education
07. Marriage to my second wife
06. Bankrupting an Allstate Insurance Office
05. Divorcing my first wife
04. Raising two step-children: Alex and Leo
03. Discovering how to overcome the resentment, bitterness and jealousy associated with growing up in an alcoholic home
02. Being the father to a daughter
01. Being estranged from my daughter